Wednesday, May 6, 2015

10 Years

Okay, I'm going to ask you to bear with me through this - it's gonna get a little sappy.

On the 18th, it will be 10 years since my mom died. To be honest, I'm having a really hard time with this anniversary. The first holidays and birthdays without her were hard; the birth of my kids without her was harder; getting married without her there was brutal. I miss her like crazy every day, but this 10 year thing is really getting to me. Like, a lot, if you hadn't taken note yet.

I've been having some anxiety the past month, and I know it's because the 18th is inching up on me. It was about this time 10 years ago that mom stopped being alert. She slipped into a coma of sorts for the last couple weeks, and then she was gone. No more whispers of "I love you" (or "I glub you" as her speech got worse), no more smiles and laughs at George Carlin on the television. Just silence.

My mom's favorite animal was the bunny. She loved rabbits, and we even had a pet lop eared bunny at one point growing up. Last night, I came home to find that my sweet dog killed a bunny in our yard and could not understand why I was not thrilled with her "gift". We ended up with two more bunnies in the yard late last night, which is highly unusual. We have a fenced in yard, and a pretty rambunctious dog, so I can say with all honesty that in the five+ years of living here, I've probably seen no more than a couple bunnies total in our back yard. And never at the same time. 

So today, I dropped my son at baseball practice and decided on a whim to go to the cemetery, which is down the street, and check on her grave. I go there sometimes not because I think she's there, but because I want to make sure the weeds haven't overtaken the gravestone and that the grass is growing properly. On my way, I whispered out loud, "Mom, please have a bunny where you are so I know you're okay." And by "where you are", I meant her grave.

When I pulled up to the big tree that reminds me where her body rests, I didn't see a bunny. Not on her grave. Not anywhere around.

I cleaned off the weeds and went back to pick up my son at baseball, and then headed home. While sitting in the back yard, hubs pointed out a discovery - there were baby bunnies living in a hole in the yard!

Not only that, but mama bunny has come back around to check on them!

I should have known when I asked my mom to send a bunny to where she was, she wouldn't send one to her grave. She would send them to our home, where she watches over us.

I know it's corny, and it's a stretch, but I needed this little happening this month. My heart is still broken, but maybe just a smidge less tonight.


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